Midnight Money Tree: Taking the 10:30 Courtesy

by Christie Perkins

“I can’t take this. No,” I said as I lay staring at what appears to be a 20 dollar bill.

I plopped into bed early, in fact it was an hour and a half earlier than usual. Who knows if the kids made it to bed tonight but I was exhausted and they would just have to figure it all out tonight. One night shouldn’t hurt. I should have gone to bed earlier but we had to muddle through the speedy version of family night and tack on the ritual scripture reading and prayer. I wonder if tonight’s thoughtless attempt really counted… I don’t really want to know.

(Yes, I’ll just close my eyes and pretend it’s all ok.)

The Midnight Money Tree Taking the 10_30 Courtesy(1) But, I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep if we didn’t get that done for the day. So check, check, check. Immediately after getting our family night done I found myself snuggled up in bed. My exhausted body wouldn’t quite slip into dreamland quick enough though. So I laid there thinking instead. Think. Think. Blink. Blink. How is it that when you are most tired you are least likely to sleep? It’s a mystery I’ve never been able to figure out.

All the better that I couldn’t sleep, I suppose. I’ve been having weird dreams lately. Continue reading

Trust. Follow. Find.

by Christie Perkins

My doctor appointments were 2 weeks apart. I had just seen my oncologist and everything checked out fine. There were some new things I had to consider concerning preventative measures but I was walking straight down the line of fine, as far as we could tell. I was tempted to cancel the second appointment, the one with my radiation doc. What possibly could pop up in 2 weeks?

It was ridiculous because I was seeing this doctor for the same thing anyway: checking on the well being of my situation.

I’m good.Trust. Follow. Find.

For some time I had been contemplating ditching my doctor appointments altogether. If I was okay, then what was the point. I was plotting a new plan of action: call the cancer center and tell them that I was graduating myself to 6 month check ups. Yes, I liked this thought. Though, yes, I liked seeing my great doctors and staff on a personal level but seriously? This frequent visiting was useless and it was eating my money.

Twice a year should suffice. Continue reading

My Love-Bucket of Thanks is Overfilling

by Christie Perkins

All I have is a measly little thank you. It doesn’t quite cover it. My heart is exploding into a million little warm love-buckets and all I can say is thank you. It seems so shallow to the depth of gratitude I feel.

The generosity of others is incredible.

So thank you. Thank you to all the anonymous and non-anonymous people who pray often, or pray once in my behalf. I feel those prayers. I thrive and survive on those prayers.


My Love- Bucket of Thanks Is OverfillingAnd you tell me “I don’t do much” or “I don’t do enough”. Oh, that’s what you think. Your little prayer is a ray of hope and sunshine in my heart. Your little prayer becomes a strength beyond my own, petitioning to a higher power who knows just what to do. Your little prayer gives me comfort. Your little prayer does so much more than you realize.

I see a multitude of nameless faces but feel the hands of many bearing me up. To most, I don’t know who to thank and it troubles me that I can’t personally hug you and thank you for carrying my burdens. Continue reading

When Positivity Goes Kerplunk

by Christie Perkins

So I’m living in some crazy warped time zone. It comes with the territory of “cancer news” I suppose. In the easy-load-mode I’m scheduling my daily “to do’s” and suddenly I’m thrust into the cancer twilight zone.

It’s eerie.

When PositivityIt’s eerie because the days are long. In my normal world I’ve found myself wishing to squeeze more hours out of the day. Cancer news becomes that wish granter. It’s very generous at stretching out the days. Nice little guy.

So, suddenly I find myself saying, “Wow! Was that just yesterday? It seems so long ago.” Time is no longer my own. Oh boy, is it not at all. Faceless strangers begin writing their little memos on my to do list: doctors, phone calls, return calls, surgeries, temporary kid shifting (thank you all), check ups, check outs, checkbook hocking procedures followed by twisted facial locking procedures. Continue reading