How Not to Make Tamales

by Christie Perkins

How Not to Make TamalesSo. Um… I had good intentions. And as the saying goes “It’s the thought that counts.” And let me tell you I’ve had some really awesome thoughts. Ha. These thoughts never formalized into anything… not even a failure. And you know the power of failing. Some of my greatest strengths and funny memories have come from failing. Anyway.

I’m denying myself of some great opportunities here. Think of the stories I could tell.

Hm. Well. Here’s a classic recipe quirk of the infamous “Yeah, you know… I was gonna try that.” Here’s my version of tamales:


blog tamales 001

You like that? Yep. Those corn husks just listen to all of my wishes then it dishes me a mocking stare. How they dare, and how they stare, and glare and wear on my “could have’s”.

So today I have one simple request: what are you going to (make an attempt at and) fail at? Doesn’t that give you a little excitement?

You are going to be incredibly successful or have a really great story to tell. I want to hear about it.


Recipe for How Not To Make Tamales

Adapted from all the other recipes I was going to trY.

Corn Husks
And Other Ingredients (yep, too lazy to look right now)

Directions to avoid:

All of them.

Except first, spend all of your precious time gathering the ingredients. On the way to finding the corn husks run into a grocer man who is impressed with your efforts to make tamales. You shrug your shoulders. What’s the big deal? Am I that bad of a cook? (don’t answer that). Buy corn husks. PS they are not in the veggie section because they are technically not a veggie. Totally don’t get that. Shoe laces are in the shoe section and they are technically not shoes. Anyways. Gaining miles on the pedometer looking for ingredients.

Look on the back of the corn husks and buy the other ingredients. Question what “Chili Ancho Pods” are… learn to speed read as your eyes scour the section for items that have no connected picture in your head. Discover the image in your head is much different than the item on the shelf.

Go home… but first check in with the check out clerk. Pay and say what you are doing. Get more surprised looks.

Start questioning your ability to make these little guys.

With half confidence confide in your most trusted flesh and blood buds. Trust what they say when you find there’s no easy way about it. Doubt it.

Put those corn husks somewhere on the back shelf for another day. After they torment you for awhile, hide them so you can’t even remember you were going to try to fail. Smile, knowing you avoided a complete disaster.

Then lay awake wondering how it all could have gone. Listen to the “what- if’s” torture chamber session. Feed the hankering. Don’t be afraid to fail, welcome it.

Thanks for listening to what not to do. I’ve got some tamales to try. Because, you know, it’s never too late to give another try. Follow this recipe in life for how not to get anything out of it. You must fail to learn great things. Failure is life’s greatest lesson on how to be successful.

Have a fantastic day… I hope you fail at something great! Don’t just pick food, pick a character trait or a task. The number one rule: Try. The number two rule: Don’t expect much, have a sense of humor, and be pleasantly surprised. Repeat rules one and two over and over and over.

Good luck.



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