by Christie Perkins
So I’m living in some crazy warped time zone. It comes with the territory of “cancer news” I suppose. In the easy-load-mode I’m scheduling my daily “to do’s” and suddenly I’m thrust into the cancer twilight zone.
It’s eerie because the days are long. In my normal world I’ve found myself wishing to squeeze more hours out of the day. Cancer news becomes that wish granter. It’s very generous at stretching out the days. Nice little guy.
So, suddenly I find myself saying, “Wow! Was that just yesterday? It seems so long ago.” Time is no longer my own. Oh boy, is it not at all. Faceless strangers begin writing their little memos on my to do list: doctors, phone calls, return calls, surgeries, temporary kid shifting (thank you all), check ups, check outs, checkbook hocking procedures followed by twisted facial locking procedures.
(Ok, so I didn’t actually throw the checkbook but I imagined giving it a proper burial in the backyard with lots of fertilizer and hormones to stimulate growth.) PS we are fine… just having a moment. It’s passed and all is well.
And somehow in all this gunk, positivity goes kerplunk.
It was bound to happen, I guess. I spent all day the other day trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Why was my perk at it’s worse?
And then it hit me.
Overlooking Me Time
In all of this crazy whirlwind I was lacking the thing I needed most: me time. You know, doing whatever I wanted to do. I needed my brain pathways to clear new ground. It’s been mowing over cancer stuff for a month. Oh, yes. Me time is what I needed.
So, do you know what I did? I squeezed in some me time. I scheduled that baby in. I went on a 45 minute organizing rampage. Ah, I’m smiling already (my house has been driving me crazy… and yes the twilight zone makes this task very appealing). I did a speed cleaning of the house, then wondered why I don’t speed clean every day. And very, very, soon I’m off to read a text book. It’s so invigorating. I love it, my brain loves it, and my kids think it’s weird.
But, I find chess bowling weird. It’s some game my kid invented where we hock tiny helpless chess pieces at each opponent. The last one with any remaining pieces wins. We play this over, and over, and over. It takes longer to set up and find the missing pieces than it does to actually play the game.
Anyway, tomorrow I’ll trudge up the hill, and get a little sunlight spilled on me. Maybe I’ll trip my fingers up on the piano. I also think I’ll turn the music on and boogie off beat (probably with the blinds closed).
They are all little things, but oh, the happiness it brings.
Over dinner I explained my happy factors of the day to my kids. In return I got squinty eyebrows. Cleaning? Organizing? Textbooks? Fun? But, do you know what? Today my eyebrows were wrinkle free. Me time turned out to be a great distraction and a great way to perk myself up.
I guess that’s what chess bowling does for my kids.
Learn from my mistake and just do one little thing for yourself everyday… especially if you want to avoid a positivity kerplunk.
I’ve posted this poem before but I just keep thinking I should repost it. Hopefully it helps someone today. (And yes, it looks a little oxymoronic since I decided to spend my time doing chores… meh, remember it’s the cancer twilight zone thing that’s got me all messed up.)
Take Time For Your “Me”
by Christie Perkins
I wake up each day, tired and worn
Nothing is changing, I’m feeling forlorn
Same old thing, day in and day out
Help me, please, I must find a new route.
Life isn’t bad it’s just kind of boring
Take the time to do something adoring
Whatever it is, taking time for yourself
Doing this thing will bring mountains of wealth.
Investing your time is an important thing
And a lot of happiness it can, and will bring.
But time not spent on yourself can be bad
And often not taken can make you feel sad.
So, today I will decide to take some “me” time
And discover the unfinished chores will be fine.
Just a small moment is all I will ask
Though small, its significance I just cannot mask.
That “me” time can bring new light to your eyes
A bounce in your step each time that you rise.
The time given to others will have much more spree,
If you only will learn to take time in your “me.”
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